You wake up in the morning
drink a beer and take a Valium
And you're trying to forget about the
things you did last night
Flip through the morning paper read
the horoscope and the comics
You're as well informed as anybody
on the left or the right
You make it to your job and
hear Atlanta lost another
How can you lose while making
half a million bucks or near
The old man who sweeps the floor
and wears a big blue Reagan button
Says the Russians are a coming but
they've been here for years
Trying everything from Jesus to Jack Daniels
it's the all new American diet
Trying everything from
Jesus to Jack Daniels
You get on it and you're on it
for the rest of your life
[ fiddle ]
There's a story in the paper about
a man who killed his family
He jumped off a bridge because
he couldn't take it anymore
Down at the local tavern a young
man comes in limpin'
And he claims that he's a veteran of
the Falkland Islands war
You head home and you're accosted
by a youngster wearin' robes
And wanting money for his God
who sits upon a plastic throne
You ignore him if you can and make
it to the local tavern
Where you or der up a drink and give some
money to your own
Trying everything from Jesus...
There's a man in Tennessee who's
got it figured out completely
I guess that he's as happy
as a thinking man can be
I asked him what he thought and
he said brother let me tell you
Try a little bit of both and leave out
everything in between
Trying everything from Jesus...