I was
walking down Park Avenue,
the other day, I was whistling,
Jeanine Aramia.
A fella who was coming,
in the opposite direction,
he bumped right into me -a.
I didn't say nothing.
I was gonna keep on going.
Don't you think he turned around and said,
Why don't you look where
you're going?
I stood aghast,
as it wasn't my fault.
Then he pushed me off the sidewalk
onto the asphalt.
So I upsed to him,
and he upsed to me.
Then I upsed to him and I said,
I said it was his fault.
He said it was my fault.
I said it was his fault.
He said, If you don't like it,
I'll punch you right in the proboscis.
I was so mad,
I was frotting at the kneecaps.
So I ups to him, and he ups to me.
But I don't do nothing,
I just keeps my attitude, see?
Then I said,
wait a minute, wait a minute, Mac.
You might look like a lumberjack,
but you can't bulldoze me.
And with that, to show him who was boss,
I put the chip on my shoulder
and said, knock it off, knock it off.
Five minutes later, the chip was still there,
But the shoulder was gone.
So I ups to him again,
and he ups to me again.
So I goes my way,
and he goes my way.
Well, exhausted, fatigued,
and tired too,
I stopped at a nearby pharmacy
for my daily vitamins.
I was munching vitamin A, B, C, and D,
and was getting down to E, F, G, and H,
when I feels a tap on my shoulder
and a voice saying,
Have one on me, partner,
thinking it was the same chump.
I whirls around as quick as a flash,
I upstorm,
when I finds myself face -to -face
with a Westerner, a tough hombre.
So I stops up to him
and I says, pardon me, stranger,
a stone got in my shoe.
You needn't start a -cussing,
I haven't done anything to you.
Recognizing the drawl in my voice,
he asks me where I hails
from.
And when I said Bar Z Ranch,
Phoenix, Tombstone, Arizona,
he hits me with his leather boot,
blackens my eye,
knocks me down,
picks me up,
knocks me down, picks me up.
But I kept smiling through it all.
I had a smile.
He had his fist in my mouth
So I left him to his own resources
Now the scene changes
Three years has elapsed.
I've grown a perfect toupee
and I've prospered
I'm laying on the beach at Waikiki
just a millionaire on the loose
When I feel someone
tickle me on the nose
and a voice singing a lot caroos.
It was I remember you
Say, brother, I remember you
Why, you're the feller
with the big smeller
Say, I remember
After three years,
who comes back to torment me?
Knock the shoulder off McNulty
So I ups to him, and he ups to me
So I goes my way,
and he goes the way of all flesh