Now you guys, know the feeling
when your heart sees the woman
in all your fantasies
When nothing else matters
cause you're no longer haunted
by someone you've ever seen
But always wanted, never seen her before
But you know she's Miss Right
Built just the way you want,
just the right type
Well it happened to me,
and I thought I was in love
So that's where I'll start my
story of my encounter
With a girl named Kim
Well, it was one of those days
when nothing's right with the world.
I was half broke, sober,
and fed up with my girl,
looking for something to do,
wondering how long it would take
for the next thing to go wrong.
I decided to hang,
go out and ease my mind.
I told myself, you never know
what you might find.
I took a hot bubble bath instead of a shower,
then proceeded to digest.
It took me an hour.
I decided on leather,
fresh red and white,
my boogie boots,
and I was sure to score that night.
The final touch, some cologne.
I think Aramis then took one last
look at the mirror and said
You look marvelous darling,
you really do, no lie
I jetted out the door
then I hailed the taxi
Said 54 in hurry
and jumped in the back seat
We arrived, he said 8 .50,
not including a tip
I said don't smoke, give me my change
for I bust your lip
The club was really jumpin'
and word is born
I saw women walkin' wild
with jeans painted on
Splits in the skirts up to here,
leather and lace.
Me and my dick both agree,
we gonna like this place.
Sat at the bar, the guy said,
what are you drinking?
I said, orange juice and Remy,
and slid him a link,
and took a sip, grabbed my money.
He looked at me strange.
I said, Cy, I bet you thought
you was keeping the change.
I made my way through the crowd.
It was plain to see, same everywhere I go.
all eyes on me.
Sat down at a table
and one of the staff said ain't you Kaz?
I said yeah but no autograph.
Just sat by myself and sip my drink.
I took a glance across the room
and received the wink.
I did the only thing a red -blooded man would do,
look down to see what the
eye was attached to.
Sure enough it was a girl,
not just any female.
Her hair and eyes sparkled
like ginger ale.
I looked lower to her lips
than her chin and her neck.
Then I wondered about the rest
and said let me check.
I sent the waiter to her table
to ask her name,
he returned and said, Kim,
and I almost came.
I checked myself to make
sure I looked all right
and told my dick, don't worry,
we fucking tonight.
So with a nice friendly smile,
a dash of charm,
I stepped up to the lady
and tapped her arm.
But when she turned around,
my smile turned to gloom,
she didn't look nothing
like she did across the room.
Had big broad shoulders,
her titties were big,
but they were silicone filled
and her hair was a wig
She wore more makeup
than Boy George
and Phyllis Diller,
ugly enough to be a monster in thriller
Had hair on her chest
longer than my braids,
and even though I got a band,
I don't need aid
So I headed for the door,
she said, please stay,
I said, sorry brother, but I don't go that way
I ran out in a hurry
and gathered my wits
and said that's a damn shame
he had nice tits
and that's the last that I ever saw of Kim
you know why cuz she's
a he and her is a him
the moral is don't believe
in love at first sight
cuz you might just cite a
transvestite
And that ain't right.